I get this !
Listen. watch when you can,
interview shortly …
I get this !
Listen. watch when you can,
interview shortly …
When we still in school Moua would call us around her for Sunday prayers after ghee rice lunch sometimes under the Casuarina trees overlooking the sapphire Bay of Bengal. She used to have these wide dark eyes fringed with lashes so black you wondered if that was mascara, but of course it wasn’t. Moua was not exactly an aunt, nor old enough to be one, but she was full of kindness. I remembered her today because of another person Kavi L and not so prone to kindnesses, which is her right, but she has the same brilliance like Moua – what’s with these people ?
Three hours after Kavi L finished her chatter on painting and how people who ‘pay peanuts must be monkeys’ or something like that,we walked past the bazaar where old things and stolen things are sold as antique but you might find the Kohinoor diamond who knows….
well, Kavi L turns around and says this slow and clear, ‘I love the power I receive after praying and don’t let anyone rubbish that…”
I didn’t dare ask anymore questions ; the sun sinks back a bit at the grin on Kavi’s face.
Related post : http://innerdialect.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/when-questions-are-answers/
As I see these stunning pictures of Patterson’s ribbon installation : aural visual, every sensory at asking -grabbing pace, I can’t help recalling something that happened here :
last night as we sat around our glass dining table, two layers of glass held on chrome feet ( a table that has travelled miles with us – even sat a while in a friend’s garage as we found our new home ; has survived three kids and their friends, a very active dog, has held dinner ware,books, papers,artwork,elbows,conversations, words, tears, silences, pregnant silences, time outs and leavings-off – meal-without dinner;
when you sit at a table like that- year beginning, to have a moment of appreciation with family, there is a lot going on. When it came to our youngest’s turn ( am grateful for the many miles he has covered except for his eyesight which is basic dim light perception; am sad too that he will perhaps not ever see these fabulous skies and light drenched noons, our crazy monsoons and even our faces) and yet here is what this 12-year-old said as we waited,
“Thank you God for my Vision.”
His clear words hung fragile in our disbelieving ears – what Vision did blind eyes have ?
Took a moment to realise the significance of that word and how he had understood something we had instilled in him years ago when we first came to terms with this blunt word “BLIND”. “We may not have sight son, but we can have Vision…”
Via vision, foresight .. goal destiny, ambition, so much has been accomplished over the years ; it is that incredible thing that reaches out from within, upward, through the chaos of delusion, discouragement, rage, destructive arguments /addictions ;
Vision, the ability to see the end of that tunnel, even if we cannot see the light. We will feel it, walk in its ways, touch it, experience the fulfillment of dreams/goals/purpose ;
it is what makes champions , what ends war, what kills death ; it is that healing graceful thing that surpasses human knowledge and sometimes the poison of inertia. Or rather the paralysis it injects into Eyes that can see nothing good, arms that will do nothing, feet that refuse to go anywhere, the human heart that believes only the worst and will not stand tall to a challenge.
These Pictures I’ve uploaded are so beautiful and it is because someone was willing to give others a view of what she saw. If not it would just have been an unreachable dome.
That’s what Grace and Light does so well – reaching into places within I never knew were there : reminding me there are things beyond what eye can see, what ear can tell, what has not entered the heart of man as yet –
that yes, there is more than all our visibility, what a relief to be reminded of that, and by a kid who really has no concept of ” God ” yet…a blind little kid that never even saw visible Light.
Uh – Not yet
Thank you for reading this.
19 years ago, a little baby came into our lives this month, I remember the daze of full term pregnancy, the faint worry that would seep in, breathlessness and the wild waistline –
you don’t get to see your toes, and you don’t care. 24th of October, she arrived, red faced and without a neck. A baby with no neck. We panicked. My doc sis patiently asked us to go check out other babies’ necks. Newborns do NOT have necks. We checked her eyes, nose, ears, pulse, her finger nails – were they normally that tiny…
today she is almost 19, stands taller than me, beautiful, talented, I can never recover from that 5.24 am morning light in which our lives met for the first time. I still stand and stare with amazement at her : our teenaged first daughter… unsure how to end this post. Just blinking amazed…
your first cry, first yawn : we went wild…
which feature was whose : which family did you take after ? Dads or mine ? Soon this became ‘ ours’ . Our family. Oh wow. Hmm but you always were/ are the best of us, and your very own person. The first words you said sounded like a combination of Dad and Mom.. but more Dad. I was jealous, worried, even a little upset with you. Were you going to be the typical daddy’s girl ? ( But ofcourse !) Hey but why say ‘Dadda‘ first ? ( Cuz know what, I was saying 24 x7 ‘ say dadda- say daddaaaah’ )
Oh sure every parent has these stories. You were born after 7 years .Is that something ? It was a lot. It was a miracle. Doc said not to worry,we’ll wait another two months before trying out tests. She was right. How did she know? How did your Dad know 1994 there would be this new addition to our home ? Don’t worry, he kept saying. We will have our baby.
I was underweight, not a strong kind of woman. Scared of motherhood. How on earth did people have babies ? I mean didn’t they just tear … wont go into details here 🙂 We went thru ‘ Lamaze classes. Bought every baby book we could find. I was dripping info on safe food/ stay away from smokers, from lorries, from stray dogs, from too much this and that , wild TV Progs ( just in case it affected her mentally see?) what not to think. what to dream. You surpassed every dream, every prayer. I enjoyed the delivery, the labour room was my kingdom. Dad was there with gloves and gear and mask head to toe, everyone burst out laughing. We were into this, serious. No messing with these two. I was breathing thru’ the 23rd psalm, and no nurse, I mean NO Nurse dared massage my abdomen, I asked for three pillows. ” No, why ?” Doc Mathias ( She’s the best in Mumbai and the world) .
“ Because that’s what we were advised at Lamaze classes… “ I replied loudly.
” What’s Lamaze ?” a new very young nurse asked looking with fear at Noe and me.
Dr Mathias nodded and asked for the pillows. I had some sippy lime, and Noe to rub my back down, unheard of in some hospitals.
Vihan ( meaning – early morning glory in Sanskrit – I had a Promise from the Bible – ” as sure as the sun rises..” ) arrived at 5.24 am without any fuss ; I was shocked it was over. “How many pushes ? ” I asked Doc, ” Hardly one.. “
Tiny, so tiny, on my tummy, uncut cord. Without my glasses it all looked like an impressionist painting. Noe and I were laughing crying in a silence , waiting for our baby to cry. She was soundless staring at us, quiet. Hey why isn’t she crying ? She got a little tap on her bottom and wailed so hard, so long, so loud we even called her leather – lungs. The whole building heard her when she cried. Dearest Lord, I prayed, I pleaded, please let her be gentle, soft and kind, please ?
Sometimes I wish leather lungs would be heard again – she is gentle as a dove… ( though today I heard her record a maniacal laugh and unbelievable voice recording for her college radio assignment. Yeah yeah Ms Leather – lungs is alive and kicking ( is in a rock band );
thank you God that she just tries to growl though. Our girls can’t be all too gentle and soft in this day and age uh.
Got a Text from her. “ Ma, I’m at Opus. The Play will finish around 10.30. My friend’s getting a cab to drop us all home… “
I freaked, ‘HON I”LL WORRY ABOUT THE CAB !’
No reply. Yet. Not till I send her 24 worried texts. 🙂 Look at this kid
Thank you Vi for inspiring me every step of the way, to be everything I had stopped being, to still reach out when my arms hurt, for the gift of laughter and creativity that you keep restoring, for the music, for the miracles you seem to bring in, and esp. for the presence of God so rich in You, it touches every thing, esp us..
( to be contd )
I sat in the sand, sifting,
drizzling the grains
like a child trickles moments,
lost in my minutes of play.
I shoveled ten seconds
I plowed away forty years.
All the while,
As the tide crept in…
As the sun slid to bed…
A day recaptured.
holds the soil with great fists.
We pump them at the fickle sky,
to the music in our loins.
We shake them at the thieves,
the weeds, that infest our DNA.
warms the distant corners of the room,
lights the wick
of faith in one more day.
The root stirs,
The heart awakens once more.
The mind can only Shake its reasoned head.
Thank you, for the Stepping Stones,
for the miles You stretched to
light up my life ;
I thought there was not more to this,
I could not see beyond
– was what I thought before You raised the stones