I get this !
Listen. watch when you can,
interview shortly …
We learned that eyes are the windows to the soul ; yours are blind , and a window to a Sky I thought was just blue – smogged- grey-black.Who taught you to teach without words; leave me alone little one, I have been seduced too long by the ease of being ” Able ” !
…how did we get past that first hesitant walk across the floor and out the door
across the street, up flights of stairs you lead me up,’ Mama,’ you say, ‘relax, I’ll get you some tea,’ ;when did that happen ?
I take out old photographs, the baby in you never left, the woman inside arrives, reminding me of me – how do these mysteries unravel secrets
ageless, mankind’s legacy ; I am startled by the circle of endless love,life, that there can be so much beauty among everything else
Oh baby baby, as you grow I pray you will never forget beauty among everything else,
fourteen years with you, look how I’ve grown. You remind me of my identity, we are all- first, daughters…
love you forever,
I love it when you speak without words
between spaces, nestling things with no name
I love it when the words you finally say are what
I never saw that way before, such things
asking to stay
without words, not e’en rule or line
how do you speak that way, every
1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of [c]prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I [d]became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror [e]dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the [f]greatest of these is love.http://youtu.be/jR7lo9ycKBA
It fell like Rain, not heavy, just light ;
who could have guessed what she survived ? None if us were there,
except the things inside, that broke
it is what is visible to the Opened Eye…
( thank you Sarala J.for being such an amazing girl, for your life that teaches me how to stand tall)
19 years ago, a little baby came into our lives this month, I remember the daze of full term pregnancy, the faint worry that would seep in, breathlessness and the wild waistline –
you don’t get to see your toes, and you don’t care. 24th of October, she arrived, red faced and without a neck. A baby with no neck. We panicked. My doc sis patiently asked us to go check out other babies’ necks. Newborns do NOT have necks. We checked her eyes, nose, ears, pulse, her finger nails – were they normally that tiny…
today she is almost 19, stands taller than me, beautiful, talented, I can never recover from that 5.24 am morning light in which our lives met for the first time. I still stand and stare with amazement at her : our teenaged first daughter… unsure how to end this post. Just blinking amazed…
your first cry, first yawn : we went wild…
which feature was whose : which family did you take after ? Dads or mine ? Soon this became ‘ ours’ . Our family. Oh wow. Hmm but you always were/ are the best of us, and your very own person. The first words you said sounded like a combination of Dad and Mom.. but more Dad. I was jealous, worried, even a little upset with you. Were you going to be the typical daddy’s girl ? ( But ofcourse !) Hey but why say ‘Dadda‘ first ? ( Cuz know what, I was saying 24 x7 ‘ say dadda- say daddaaaah’ )
Oh sure every parent has these stories. You were born after 7 years .Is that something ? It was a lot. It was a miracle. Doc said not to worry,we’ll wait another two months before trying out tests. She was right. How did she know? How did your Dad know 1994 there would be this new addition to our home ? Don’t worry, he kept saying. We will have our baby.
I was underweight, not a strong kind of woman. Scared of motherhood. How on earth did people have babies ? I mean didn’t they just tear … wont go into details here 🙂 We went thru ‘ Lamaze classes. Bought every baby book we could find. I was dripping info on safe food/ stay away from smokers, from lorries, from stray dogs, from too much this and that , wild TV Progs ( just in case it affected her mentally see?) what not to think. what to dream. You surpassed every dream, every prayer. I enjoyed the delivery, the labour room was my kingdom. Dad was there with gloves and gear and mask head to toe, everyone burst out laughing. We were into this, serious. No messing with these two. I was breathing thru’ the 23rd psalm, and no nurse, I mean NO Nurse dared massage my abdomen, I asked for three pillows. ” No, why ?” Doc Mathias ( She’s the best in Mumbai and the world) .
“ Because that’s what we were advised at Lamaze classes… “ I replied loudly.
” What’s Lamaze ?” a new very young nurse asked looking with fear at Noe and me.
Dr Mathias nodded and asked for the pillows. I had some sippy lime, and Noe to rub my back down, unheard of in some hospitals.
Vihan ( meaning – early morning glory in Sanskrit – I had a Promise from the Bible – ” as sure as the sun rises..” ) arrived at 5.24 am without any fuss ; I was shocked it was over. “How many pushes ? ” I asked Doc, ” Hardly one.. “
Tiny, so tiny, on my tummy, uncut cord. Without my glasses it all looked like an impressionist painting. Noe and I were laughing crying in a silence , waiting for our baby to cry. She was soundless staring at us, quiet. Hey why isn’t she crying ? She got a little tap on her bottom and wailed so hard, so long, so loud we even called her leather – lungs. The whole building heard her when she cried. Dearest Lord, I prayed, I pleaded, please let her be gentle, soft and kind, please ?
Sometimes I wish leather lungs would be heard again – she is gentle as a dove… ( though today I heard her record a maniacal laugh and unbelievable voice recording for her college radio assignment. Yeah yeah Ms Leather – lungs is alive and kicking ( is in a rock band );
thank you God that she just tries to growl though. Our girls can’t be all too gentle and soft in this day and age uh.
Got a Text from her. “ Ma, I’m at Opus. The Play will finish around 10.30. My friend’s getting a cab to drop us all home… “
I freaked, ‘HON I”LL WORRY ABOUT THE CAB !’
No reply. Yet. Not till I send her 24 worried texts. 🙂 Look at this kid
Thank you Vi for inspiring me every step of the way, to be everything I had stopped being, to still reach out when my arms hurt, for the gift of laughter and creativity that you keep restoring, for the music, for the miracles you seem to bring in, and esp. for the presence of God so rich in You, it touches every thing, esp us..
( to be contd )
Sometimes it is worth the wait, for a dream to come true. Even dreams and wishes change. Didn’t we all know that ? And yet, this is a new thing, to know how much a person can be humbled within, to change. To never mind insult. To not even notice hate. To forgive move on, be smacking grateful for the view. Dearest Lord, did You know we could all change this much ? Esp me ?
Did I even know – I was a painting ? An instrument – strung with tension, chord and bar ; that this and that would be the song in the dark, in the light, in the roof top and other unheard of places…
Did we know the bigger picture – how could I at least – am this size, I thought, these here were just arms and feet… these here, were just eyes and ears and nose and toes… how could I have known, these are what tones and melodies, or discord are made of…
but now that I know – ah now that I know, and its been made clear… am staring anew, dear God… there’s so much now I may not misunderstand….
never realised we are your song…